And It Scares You Being Alone
by romanitas
Summary: Rachel Elizabeth Dare storms into Percy's life at just the right moment. For him, at least, as he clings to his mortal side, leaving Annabeth alone with her thoughts on the demigod side. And okay, maybe she's avoiding him, too, but mostly she's just tired of losing people. Set somewhere vague in that time period between Battle of the Labyrinth and the Last Olympian.


Annabeth Chase is not avoiding Percy Jackson.

Because that would be stupid and dumb, neither of which is applicable when describing herself. She's just busy. The entire Camp is busy, and it's not her fault most of the plans she's involved in are the kind that keep her away from him.

Okay, maybe she's a little mad at him still, and maybe he's a little cross with her (and maybe she's purposely choosing plans to keep herself away), but that's always been a facet of their friendship. Arguments are par for the course. She punched Conner Stoll in the gut when she overheard him taking bets once over when their next big blow up would be (and chose to ignore when money exchanged hands later that week). They squabble as much as they collaborate, and Annabeth appreciates both in their own ways. Percy is a challenge in his friendship, but the good kind – the kind that makes her feel alive and like the friendship is worth holding onto. Like it means something.

She's never had a lot of that.

She buries herself into plans and preparations, devising strategies with Malcolm and Clarisse alike from across the country (she likes working with them best, because neither of them bring up Percy at random, only when it's necessary.) She has mortal school, too, but Annabeth throws herself into the demigod world because it _needs_ her. Because the world itself needs her, and if they can't save it, being a normal teenager is moot. She still needs to balance both, though, as much as the mortal one gets the short end of the stick. She goes back and forth between New York and California at an awful pace, and it drains on her.

She's also getting really tired of _cows_. It's the tip of an iceberg of things she does not need in her life.

The worst part is that as mad and frustrated with Percy as she is, Annabeth still misses him. A lot more than she likes to admit. And then she gets mad at herself.

He knows there's a prophecy on his shoulders. One related to his sixteenth birthday. One where he might die. She's had nightmares about it since she read it, and now that she's come to know Percy and connect him to it, they've gotten worse. And he needs – space. He needs a reprieve, she can tell in the way his shoulders sag lower every time she sees him, the darkening circles under his eyes, and the haunted look of a man who has accepted an awful fate. It hurts. It hurts because it's Percy, and he's her best friend, and it's not fair. But they're demigods, and life is never all that often fair.

So she gives him space. He spends less time at Camp and more time at home, and everyone knows he needs it. Annabeth knows most of all, because over the last few years, she's come to know Percy Jackson better than just about anybody. Of course, that's what makes it hurt even more, especially as she buries herself in her demigod side.

She's definitely not jealous of Rachel Elizabeth Dare. Except for the part where she is, and it's disgustingly obvious to the point where she kind of can't stand it. She lashes out against the other girl, and part of the hostility is a defense mechanism. She gets mad at both Rachel and Percy and herself, but only the two of them bear the brunt of it outwardly. It's easier to just be a jerk than to think about why she's being a jerk. But it's not for all the obvious reasons, not entirely. She's afraid.

Percy spends a lot of time with Rachel, and she's not oblivious. She Iris-Messaged him once, caught them in the middle of a movie; Rachel threw popcorn at his face, and he laughed, and Annabeth waved her hand through the mist before he spotted her, battling a sudden piercing ache in her chest. And it's not strictly because she's starting to realize her feelings for him aren't quite so platonic. It's because Percy Jackson is her best friend, and it feels like he's rejecting the godly part of his life. The part of his life that's so intrinsically connected to her and them, and where do they end up standing if he decides he doesn't want it at all?

Annabeth is not mortal. It's not something she can ever be, she can't ever _be_ that for Percy. Her mother is Athena, and it's wrapped up in her entire identity. She is a demigod, they both are, but Percy has ways of escaping that. And her name is Rachel Elizabeth Dare.

She can't handle the notion that it's her demigod blood that's keeping Percy away from her. It's why her family rejected her, it's why she ran away when she was only seven years old. It's a part of her she can't ignore or forget or change, ever, and she doesn't want to, and it hurts all over again knowing Percy might reject her for the same reasons. There's little sense of normalcy she can offer as a friend, and normalcy is all he needs right now.

She can't stand the idea of losing him. Annabeth's already lost too many people, and Percy wasn't supposed to be one of them. She's absolutely terrified of him not being in her life, whether it's because of Rachel or because of the dumb prophecy, but somehow it's easier to hold him at arm's length, because then she doesn't have to see his face and wonder if he'll still be by her side in a year's time.

It's moments like these where she thinks of Luke. Luke, who saved her when she was seven, who was her hero until he wasn't, who came to her in San Francisco and asked for a second chance. To run away again, like the old days. Maybe if she'd said yes, she could have saved him, like he did for her all those years ago. Because now Kronos has taken his body. She knows it's unrealistic to still believe in him, to hold on to a little bit of hope, but a part of her does anyway.

(People let her down; it's more or less a consistent factor in her life, and if there's even a chance of bringing someone back, she needs to take it, she needs one less person to leave her.)

Luke is still important to her, and she knows it's probably stupid, because she knows he's hurt and betrayed her (she can feel the pain of it still), but they were family, once. And she loves him. She doesn't really know _how_, what kind of love exactly, but she knows she does because that's what makes it all so much worse.

Especially when Percy calls her out on it. Sometimes, all Annabeth wants is just someone to be on her side, and it increasingly feels an impossibility. If there's a way to save Luke, she needs to find it, and it just makes her so _angry _that Percy won't support her. That he can write it off so easily, when it's something so important to her, and then run off to laugh with Rachel, leaving her with a Camp to lead and a million things to plan.

And maybe that's not entirely fair either, because _A half-blood of the eldest gods shall reach sixteen against all odds -_ it follows him around and haunts him like a vengeful ghost. But she's allowed to be angry, too. She watched someone she admired turn his back on the gods and her and trigger the start of the end of the world. She can fix it, she _can_, and she doesn't care if maybe that's her hubris speaking again, but if she can't save Luke – then really, what can she save?

If Percy can ignore her, she can ignore him, too, and if he's dumb enough to not realize why she might have kissed him in the volcano, then she's stubborn enough to not bring it up, ever. It's not like they see each other all that often right now anyway.

(She still can't help wondering, through all the frustrations and the non-stop emotional rollercoasters, if Percy misses her just as much; in the end, all she wants most is her friend back.)

She's planning a war against Kronos (against _Luke_), and Percy is pulling away. Maybe she's pulling away, too, but she doesn't know what else to do. In this war, Percy is supposed to die, Kronos (_Luke_) must be defeated, and Annabeth is dangerously close to losing everyone who's ever loved her.

It's enough to make a mess out of anybody, but Annabeth Chase still has a job to do.

So she keeps doing it.

* * *

yet again, originally posted on ao3!


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